Wherefore art thou, Sammi Sweetheart? The former reality star (born Samantha Giancola) fluttered into our hearts nearly 10 years ago as a cast member on MTV’s Jersey Shore, a young guidette just looking for a gorilla juice-head to call her own. She instantly found that and then some in housemate/on-and-off boyfriend Ronnie Ortiz-Magro—but the pair had a tumultuous (and frankly, abusive) relationship, which added a Shakespearean level of romantic drama to a silly series about going to the beach, getting drunk, and hooking up along the classic boardwalk.
The show returns to MTV on April 5 for a special reunion series, Jersey Shore Family Vacation—but it might not surprise you to learn that Giancola won’t be there alongside her original castmates (Snooki, JWoww, Pauly D, The Situation, Deena, Vinny, and Ortiz-Magro). In a statement to The New York Times, the former star explained why she would be skipping out:
“I am extremely happy in every aspect of my life and want to avoid potentially toxic situations,” her statement reads. While Giancola both loves and misses her bronzed former roommates, the Times notes, she has long been ready to say goodbye to all that: “I have just decided to live my life for me these days.”
How have her castmates decided to cope with her absence? By getting a sex doll for the house and naming it “Sammi,” the Times reports. Naturally.
It makes sense that Giancola is retiring her Shore jersey, considering her stormy run on the original series. Giancola and Ortiz-Magro became a couple almost immediately in the first season, but the honeymoon period quickly dissipated. They constantly fought with one other, echoes of “Ron, stahp!” wafting through the house at all hours of the night like a miserable orchestra. Ortiz-Magro was a flagrant cheater and property destroyer; Giancola once punched him in the face. It was an ugly time, powered by tanning-bed fumes and rage-inducing Ron-Ron juice.
On her podcast last December, Snooki (born Nicole Polizzi) said that the cast was “begging” Giancola to return but understood that it might not happen. “It was very emotional,” Snooki said of the original series. “And being that there was a lot of Ron-and-Sam drama when we did film, it was just really hard on both of them.”
So don’t worry about the erstwhile Sammi Sweetheart . . . even if she has been replaced by a sex doll. A quick perusal of her Instagram proves that she really is living her best life now, with photos of her current boyfriend nestled neatly between images of sunsets and fitness sponcon. All is as it should be.
Mark Seliger’s 2018 Oscars Portrait Studio
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